Showing posts with label those moments. Show all posts
Showing posts with label those moments. Show all posts

Thursday, December 1, 2011

i would like to see what i might find

I'm in the sharing mood:
a song for a new banjo and being alive day-to-day.

Bird Song - Wailin' Jennys
I hear a bird chirping up in the sky, I'd like to be free like that, spread my wings so high. I see the river flowing, water running by, I'd like to be that river, see what I might find. I feel the wind a-blowing, slowly changing time, I'd like to be that wind, I'd swirl and shape the sky. I smell the flowers blooming, opening for spring, I'd like to be those flowers, open to everything.

I feel the seasons change: the leaves, the snow and sun. I'd like to be those seasons, made up and undone. I taste the living earth, the seeds that grow within, I'd like to be that earth, a home where life begins. I see the moon a-rising, reaching into night, I'd like to be that moon, a knowing, glowing light. I know the silence as the world begins to wake, I'd like to be that silence as the morning breaks.

I hear a bird chirping up in the sky, I'd like to be free like that, spread my wings so high. I see the river flowing, water running by, I'd like to be that river, see what I might find. I feel the wind a-blowing, slowly changing time, I'd like to be that wind, I'd swirl and shape the sky. I smell the flowers blooming, opening for spring, I'd like to be those flowers, open to everything.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

what your heart hears


a template of tenderness retold in the sunny kitchen today while I flounder in attempts to persuade mr. wood to sell his truck to someone who could use it (me).

mrs. wood: your father and I shared a moment on the drive home yesterday

ms. wood: oh, really?

mrs. wood: he looked at me, we were riding in the truck sharing silence for some time. "Theresa," he said. At this point I open my heart, knowing he would say he loved me in those waiting words

ms. wood: {internal smile at the ways of this wisened twosome}

mrs. wood: "Theresa, " he said to me. "I really love this truck."

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

nosing what you want

The first principle of success is desire - knowing what you want. Desire is planting of your seed. -Robert Collier

The range of what any of us desire on the Larga Vista on a daily basis sufficiently qualifies as preposterous. Not speaking for my co-workers, but the force of the universe receiving invocations lifted by snow geese during my morning chores must shrug shoulders, shake postulatory head.

one breath
: : please let there be a 2x4 for this fence to trap the bull calf
: : : good God, why must Punky always get so dirty?
: : : : oh if only I had a sharp knife this world would be grand
: : : : : may all farmers earn a decent living (and vacation time)
: : : : : : thank you for most this amazing day

My dog Chela's desire is pretty clear
: : something delicious come my way

. . and so it does, from the top of a nose to the tip of her tongue


Blog post invocation
:: may all those watching mercifully forgive my first attempt at a video recorded with a phone

Sunday, February 20, 2011

orbits

One (interminable) revolution: from there [honduras] to here.
This is a year in lines, absconded from messages to very important people whose gravitational fields cup these tender tides of my heart - head.

Such wonderful moon and sun you are, friend.

3.14.10


Thriving as a farmer, not just surviving is in part why I returned to the US. My personal goal in many seasons ahead is to become a really good grower.

Perhaps this message is premature because I'm still not sure where I'll be digging in the farming revolution.

3.21.10

This past week I visited the farm where I worked 2 years prior; looking at my dirty finger nails, feeling muscles flexed under a shovel, I'm more than ready for farming.

4.20.11

you will see me soon
riding my green dinosaur
license: plant eater

5.19.10

Weeding ridiculously long rows of organic garlic, pounding holes or shoveling manure seems to be my extreme reaction to expectation at some level. All of these activities ground me so literally to the earth and challenge the notion of who I actually am becoming.

8.30.11

There's no sound in the farm house to compete with wings hitting the lamp next to this bed. I can't even muster the 20 feet to shower and yet I know the cow patty layer over my skin needs peeling. The world is too still, clamping skeleton and muscles to its quiet.

How many months and stories are there to retell as manifestations of life that we now live? A list of times where this road seems so short/to go on forever:

1. Today - picking watermelons in the fall sun with farmer friends as 4 year-old Kilian runs in circles around my dog running circles around Kilian who's eaten no less than 5 watermelons in the last hour.

2. Yesterday - driving my car loaded with dirty laundry and a free hour in town, wishing the traffic lights stopped working, a motorcycle taps my window after someone tries to clean it, that I had no car, only my feet and a thumb for jaloning (hitch hiking).

3. Last month - battling weeds, weeds, picking carrots and beets from 1/4 mile rows from irrigated ditches providing water through tractored furloughs.

10.13.10

The darkness keeps me inside these mornings with the almost neurotic dance of looking out the window, going away, coming back. I've moved out of a rented room and find myself house sitting with some chores I can do in a lit barn. But the last few mornings I've created large mud holes for the cows in the dark, thus I wait for nights reprieve. I've been trying out honesty with folks regarding this time of year, however I'm always skeptical that I'm truly busy. Does not all this work come from either my inability to manage it or stop doing it?

12.17.10

I danced in the garlic field, then picking tomatoes, and now with winter I do a jig in pajamas I've worn for ehrr, a few hours (+20).

1.2.11

I've consumed farm work like air, as if my lungs only had capacity for oxygen that I left somewhere on my way back north and manual labor thus keeps me alive. I work at a raw milk dairy full time now and along with the milking, animal husbandry etc. I dedicate much energy to discernment of where to next. Here or somewhere else, always wishing my boots were a bit heavier or lighter.

1.8.11

It's not too cold here - but it's cold. And a storm moving in threatens below 0 temperatures with snow up north and only bitter winds to make my morning milkings in an unheated, partially open barn nicely fit the definition of helado (freezing). For now, a farm cat with fractured paw yawns at my feet and a spoiled dog who doesn't eat concentrado (dry food) but raw meat gnaws on a stuffed animal. My day off writing grad school applications, a community yoga class, grocery shopping at a natural grocers, long afternoon nap and an evening watching football with my dad. Land o'magic transformation nearly complete . . . Now I lean on cows in the morning and watch for their slight shivers as I save their milk and hope not to contaminate the buckets and cause grave illness to our costumers . . . Mexico was a romantic way to package leaving [Honduras], bright colors and vibrant food that twinkled above my head, the wailing inside distracted by pretty things. This month will be my last as a full time dairy woman - the road ahead still unclaimed, yet entrenched in finding stability, being accountable and connected.

1.16.11

I needed to say to someone: one year. No tattoos, no piercings, no mortgage, or motorcycle, no land, no six pack, no sewing machine, no band, no bakery or broken toes. A dog, a car, a smart phone, a yoga class. Haven't been to jail, sleeping in my parent's house.

1.31.11

Hence, the fence wire pulled around my waist as I lean away from the post and to the unseen next one erect beyond weeds, furrows and a grey sky yesterday. A woman in CA told me over mushy pasta that her time traveling requires that she farm to remain grounded, literally. Compared to her, I am a thought-wanderer underachiever. But during days I cling to forking hay, stretching wire, lifting buckets. Otherwise, I float away.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I notice how they write of largess,
the poets, the writers.
I notice this and think of how small I am.
Full, but small.
The world I write from is a hallway
full of things I am beginning to understand.
Things like my own body,
how kitchens are important,
the smell of mint bushes in the rain
and the endless length of my wife's white thighs.
These little things I can tuck into,
can carry with me and know that wherever I am
there is enough room.

Jake Kuliju

Monday, November 2, 2009

change for a living

In desperate attempts to extract information about what I actually do despite a stunning talent for one word answers left to the imaginative “stuff”, my inbox rattles with the shiny Señor Lincoln query:

tell me about your day.

I’ve thought on this question more seriously lately and appreciate the interest.

The way I build a story is Father Wood in process of an idea: context - - more context - - the actual point.

The way I entertain is decisively Mother Theresa: food - - love - - food.

[There’s never one without the other, they don’t keep a tally but I don’t lean off the world because if I think about one/talk to one/laugh at one’s joke, then there’s always the other. Look world I do not lie! I am my father’s daughter, chronicling my beginning to tell a progressing end.]

Back to one day. Last week I thought that the “one day” could fit into “Wednesday through Sunday.” File my life anywhere under “expected abnormalities.” Start at 6:00am with my dirty clothes in a backpack, 40 bean packets and waiting for a jalon [ride/hitchhike]. Then 25 kilometers to drop off the beans, 17 more kilometers to not wash the clothes in a broken machine. Get locked in the library, the clothes go missing for five days, run down the Pan-American highway in a skirt, attend a farmer’s festival near north coast, weep openly during presentations on organic compost and environmental stewardship, genetics and biological diversity lesson from the preeminent expert in Latin America on subject during car ride, dance and sing into the dawn with the resistencia, drive 9 hours to the north coast (again), rupture remaining emotional molecules watching Honduran national soccer team lose to the US, back to Tegucigalpa, farewell dinner for clown troop from Mexico, find the clothes. Wednesday through Sunday.

But that’s fun stuff.

19 octubre, is heart-open~mind-growing living.

6:30am Leave on bus, catch a second one and wait for coworker [Abraham] who arrives on motorcycle. Total cost: 50 cents, 25 kilometers and reggaton [spanish rap] before my mind settles into being awake.

7:30 Quick debrief on our weekends – his wife needs arm surgery, not sure how they’ll afford the pin. His old man’s soccer team lost, wouldn’t know it by his grin that reveals the joy in chasing a soccer ball. I relate.

7:35 Helmets on we bump over a washed out road, spilling once (no injuries, very minor mother). He sings old love songs and is disappointed (again) that I’m not harmonizing.

8:10 Reach Tabla Grande. Don Exequiel just left on his horse. We dash down the path lined with coffee and banana trees. As we approach he’s talking on the cell phone and makes a detour to buy fresco [soda/Coca Cola] to celebrate the planting. Abraham and I walk ahead.

8:30 Stop and wait for Don Exequiel as it begins to rain; the weather’s turning colder and kids playing nearby have no shoes but heavy sweaters. Abraham has shoes but no sweater. We concur he's worse off this morning.

9:15 Walk 30 minutes to arrive at fields; beautiful coffee trees line the path, and a pataste [local squash variety] trellis that protects baby coffee plants. Maiz [corn] is dry and stiffly bends with the wind. Someone is singing off tune. The bright green coffee beans don’t seem to mind, just waiting for december to be plucked, dried, roasted, poured.

9:45 The soil where we plant is beautiful. It’s dark and there are worms! and small black ants, and the color paints our hands earthy. The hill opens to a “v” that frames the Yeguare valley below and the massive fields of Zamorano that are tractored straight and long. I stand in 5 long rows cleared with picks called bueyes de colachos; two of the rows disappear into drying corn.

10:00 The CIAL group of seven farmers, one facilitator (Abraham) and one gringa (Katerin) huddle. There’s banter about Mel and talk about local methods of planting. After row length and seed calculations everyone find s a job – some cut stakes with machetes, others plant and a few keep track of the experiment’s design in notebooks. I let my heart sing (harmonizing with life).

1:00 52 seed packets are empty and the universal risk of farming is in charge. Will it please rain? Will it please not rain too much? Good bugs eat the bad bugs. Bad bugs don’t eat a single darn plant because with our fingers we tucked those seeds into the earth exhaling hope into the ground. My notebook is scribbled with 7 interviews sketching lives tended by the earth, cursing the earth, depending on the earth. On average, each farmer’s household spends L1700 or $90 a month. Total. Everything. We drink the fresco from plastic bags and then walk down the mountain.

1:45 Back at the motorcycle parked at a house two little girls are waiting with their jump rope. Last time I indulged the adults in a laugh. Why not twice.

2:15Ok we’re going” [Well, if you’re going to feed us now’s the time]. A huge bowl of soup is ladled that overspills with even bigger vegetables and a hospitable hunk of beef. Four tortillas from corn ground that morning. The corn hasn’t disappeared but surfaces in the rough texture; these round, life-sourcillas are darker than others. In the bowl the spoon cuts through yucca, pataste, potatoes, camote and cabbage. I’m concentrating on taking deep breaths to fit it all in until distracted by the radio. Not 80’s music (surprised) but “Eres Tu”, my parent’s wedding song.

3:30 It’s late for buses, take my chance waiting for one to Zamorano knowing the risk is that I’ll arrive and everyone’s left. Yesterday left my computer with the Department’s director so I could study for the GRE in the evening. Plan is to stay with my Zamorano family and get a good 3 hours of middle school math in. Yelp.

3:40 Bus comes and it happens to be from Yuscaran. Two of my neighbors are drivers; this one never smiles and wins the award for blind-curve passing with straight face as he almost kills us.

3:55 Zamorano - there are still folks at their post, but the person with the key to the room where the computer is being held hostage waves to me from her jalon. Means I’m headed back to Yuscaran at 4:40 to study with a book.

4:20 Buying vegetables in the University’s co-op. Run into Doña Maria who’s worked in Organics at Zamorano for 15 years. Her 9 year old son goes with her to the fields now that school’s ended, and her two boys my age make the labor team 4 strong. She has a second grade education but attends courses (example: microbiology) offered to Zamorano employees on Wednesdays. Her smile is that moment of happiness you don’t pull out of life, a gift to receive.

4:50 The bus is late; my bus buddy is convinced it’s not coming and starts waving down a jalon. But it comes. Down the steps as I go up is Carlos with crutches. We ran together in February when I was living alone and didn’t mind wheezing before dawn on the highway. It was company. We both busted our knees in April and he’s done it to the other one this weekend in a soccer game. Last words I see from his mouth through the window: todo bien!

5:30 Indania is 10 and nannies for a family where her mother cooks. She loves reading. They get on the bus mid-journey distributing news there’s no electricity. Dark clouds tethered to conversations about the lack of rain wait expectantly for us to believe. As we wind down the road towards Yuscaran their cover makes the unlit little city feel liable to forces bigger than ladrillos [bricks] and locks [cerraduras].

6:00 My rechargeable batteries aren’t re-charged and I fumble for the candles we hide under the sink. Neighbors are cooking on a fagon [wood stove] but I’m without and settle for cold rice cooked by Ana days before. Positive encouragement (if you let your drops fall we’ll call you the prettiest clouds we’ve ever seen) is outright not working: it’s not raining but the wind is fierce (sorry wind, your beauty is elusive). Dark house and noisy palm trees twist my waiting into the seven days Hurricane Mitch lingered until tiring back into the sea. People believed in rain those seven days.

7:00 GRE by candlelight. Unadulterated Romance. Yelp.

8:30 Because I live part-time in communities where the fagon is a dragon-force that ate the quiet strings of electricity before reality came to be, I know that I’m allowed to go to bed now. There’s no car battery to charge the television to watch novelas [soap operas] because we have no television. Instead, I’ll listen to Democracy Now! in Spanish and a novela I’ve recorded on the ipod. Isa (the very vocal kitten) is happy to hide under the covers. I pull my gratefulness from under my heart and give it to the night. I hope it shares with the rest of living things of my 19th of octubre.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Swoon

This morning as I walked along the lakeshore,
I fell in love with a wren
and later in the day with a mouse
the cat had dropped under the dining room table.
Aimless Love - Billy Collins

It's 95.3% true I'm not one to keep a list of desirable characteristics one looks for in a partner. Put me in the camp that suggests it's better to remain open and celebrate the moment when one finds something spectacular. And oh how I swooned last Sunday evening. What beauty, what grace, what substance! These shelves have no equal; the wood is dusky, worn and textured, and the strong rope pops with a spring-sky blue. Each slab rests slightly from two nails facing a window where light reflects on its uncomplicated strength. What conversations to be had, so much beyond the surface. Titles like 
Cradle to Cradle, Food Politics, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn offer the beginning of a long, delightful journey of discovery. 

The most devout love is not possessive: I do not own these shelves. 
The deepest love is shared: I offer you the elements, but not the splendor of the shelves. 

GoodReads is an online booksharing network where I have posted a "shelf" or category called shelves of danli.  It seemed shameless to write all the titles down upon first meeting, so the GoodReads list is only a start from memory and will grow with time. 

I can only hope the shelves didn't see me blush.